The L-Word

           Let's present two hypothetical situations: The first one is a girl drooling over a picture of Justin Bieber/Jake Gyllenhaal/Zac Efron/[insert cute celebrity here]. The second situation is an elderly couple taking a leisurely walk through the park, holding hands. If I was to ask you which situation was true love and the other infatuation, could you tell me which situation was which? (Cheat Sheet: The first is infatuation, the second love)  
    You're right, you're right- that was too easy. Ok, let's try these two scenarios; One- a beautiful girl that you have admired from afar, and finally befriended and are happily dating, only to split two months later as friends. Two - A married couple having an argument, and the husband ends up sleeping on the couch. Now, this is a little tougher - you may be tempted to say true love is the first one, because at least they were happy, right? However, I am here to tell you, that is incorrect. The "true love" scenario would be the second one. Even though it was not a happy situation, the man didn't leave. He stuck around, willing to work it out. That shows true devotion.  
   BONUS ROUND! Can you handle it? Ok, here we go. First predicament - You cancel your date with your high school girlfriend to take your sister to her doctor's appointment. Second Predicament - You surprise your boyfriend and give him tickets to see his favorite sports team, which cost you two pay checks.  
       Stumped? Think this is still ridiculously easy? Would you be surprised if I told you the true love was actually the first scenario? A little confused? Let me explain this one: 
      Today, we often confuse TRUE LOVE with INFATUATION. Though it was sweet to save up money to buy your boyfriend tickets to a game, that doesn't equal truly loving someone. I often give money to people for various things, and it doesn't equal love. I know that's confusing: the second situation is a nice gesture, and it does show true sacrifice. However, the love the brother shows for his sister in the first scenario is far greater. He cancel's a date with a girl he could "love", to take the girl he has always "loved" to something as trivial as checkup. He is showing who is most important to him- his sister- by choosing her over his own happiness. 
   Woah, woah, woah- No need for the tone. I am in no way knocking your high school sweetheart. I am sure you do love them. However, there is a chance you could just be infatuated with your sweetie pie. However, I am not you, and I can never really truly be the judge of what you feel. Just in case though, let me break down some different types of love for you, thanks to my lovely friends the Greeks. 

1.Eros Love  

    Eros love- infatuation, "exotic love". Everyone falls into this category at some point. It is a selfish love, but it serves a purpose. Essentially, all relationships start with Eros' love. It is being attracted to someone, basically finding someone visually appealing. However, Eros love is often continued in a relationship. When it does, that's when relationships "don't work out"; you lose interest in that person, and essentially "fall out of love with them" when you really haven't been attracted to them at all. That is the danger of Eros love- it is a selfish, indulgent kind of love. In our youth, we often live in this, and don't realize that it is a shallow way to live. You may be getting lots of sex and be really happy, but that spot inside of you, in the pit of your stomach- it just never really feels right. If you don't mind living in this kind of love, then do it. Just acknowledge it for what it truly is. 

 2. Philos Love 

 Philos love- a love that comes from friendship. This is the kind of love lasting relationships usually start with; a friendship that leads into something more. This is also the kind of love you have for your friends. It is a better love then the first- but still, it is not True Love.  Whereas Eros love is based more off of "self interest"; what you get out of it, Philos love is based more on a give and take kind of relationship. Both partners benefit from the relationship. This is clearly demonstrated in your love for your friends. You pick your friends because you like them essentially, and you guys have fun together. You don't hang out with someone because you think their fun but you're a dud right? You both love spending time together, and care about each other. Alot of relationships live in this kind of love, and though you could be happy in this and maintain a mostly happy relationship, you would be giving up the chance of the greatest love- True Love. Which brings us to the grand finale- 

3. Agape 

     Agape love- unconditional love. This is "True Love", loving someone even when you could get nothing out of it. Now, knowing this, let's go back to our examples. The husband who didn't leave- he was willing to take his partners abuse and try again out of love. He loved her enough to take her silly insults and trash talking. He knew deep down they'd work it out, because love isn't always easy. The brother who took his sister to the doctor- he got nothing out of that. He even missed out on a good time, just so he could be there for his sister (who, in all reality, probably didn't even thank him.) The brother didn't care though, because she needed him, and he loved her enough to give it all up to be there for her. This is also the kind of love we feel for our parents, that no matter how much we yell and scream at each other, cry, wail, and moan, we know that we still love those bossy adults. We seek their approval (even when they don't deserve it) [Don't tell my parents I said that!! haha] This is the kind of love, (I HOPE) all you know you deserve in a partner- someone who will take your complaining, annoying butt no matter what. This is the kind of love I have for my parents, sister, family, and few select others. Who have my respect, and in turn, have an agape love for me in return. That is what true love is.  

   Now this IS the Olive Blog- so you know we're going to take it even deeper. This Agape love, this is the kind of love Christians talk about. A love that is not deserved, and can never fully be returned. As humans, we will never be able to have a perfect agape love- that's why we have divorces, break ups, etc. What we thought was Agape, could have just been Eros or Philos. However, I believe that there is a God loves you with the full meaning of Agape. That is something to feel safe in.  

    You don't have to be in a relationship to know what "true love" is. You can be in a relationship, however, and only know infatuation. I often suffer a bad case of infatuation- however, I can catch myself before hearts are broken in the process (usually). If you haven't been so lucky, don't give up on love. Don't give up, because once you experience that Agape love, that "True Love", you will be so greatful. Some of us won't really get that till we have had many trials, some of us are smart/lucky enough to find it on the first try. Don't be fooled though- Eros and Philos; those feel good because they are good. Don't trick yourself into thinking your love is something it's not- look at your parents. How you love your siblings. How you love your friends. How you love your partner. If it's right, then it's right. If not- fix it. Most of all, love with all your heart. No matter what anyone says, Love is Good. 

i LOVE you guys, 

Olive :)

Who Says?

     
   It's been a while since we have chatted, I apologize, but a girl gets busy. It was spring break! Though I'm envious of those of you  whom jet setted around the world, I am confident I had one of the best spring breaks ever. I learned alot. It is definently something to "blog about."  
    I got the chance to spend the week with my Aunt, and see all my baby cousins. I just can't say enough how much we learn from kids. I was even reading a book today, (The Book Thief) and even they mentioned the wisdom of children! I knew I didn't come up with that on my own.  
   So many times in this past week, I have told my cousins they were beautiful.  Almost every time, they smile and say "I know." Now, don't call them conceited, because they give compliments just as much as they take them. Perhaps, they just know something that we, as teens, seem to have forgotten.
   They understand the power of just getting to be you. The power and amazement that comes with being who you are, and loving it. No one else in the world is exactly you, you're truly one of a kind - a rarity. In culture, we tend to find rare things exciting, fantastic- beautiful.  
   I know, not everyone is going to say you're beautiful. Thank the Lord that simple words don't stop something from being true, right? If it were, think of all the messes we'd be in. For all the times you have said, "Get Lost" or "I hate you" or "You're Ugly." If we had the power to actually make those things a reality, the world would be in a dire place.
   Fortunately, we cannot. No amount of wishing away what we consider "ugly", "fat", "not worth anything"; it doesn't make us any less beautiful. Now, I know that alot of times I look in the mirror and call myself fat, ugly, or compare myself to the beauty of my sister, a friend, some celebrity. It's crazy though, because I bet half of those people are in the mirror doing the same thing, and the other half,well, they have it figured out.  
    I am uniquely me. I may resemble my father and my mother, but no one else in the whole entire world is me. They don't possess the same skills, the same humor, nada. I am the only Olivia Grace in the entire universe who looks and thinks like me. That is what makes you so beautiful- what makes you "you". 
     Not your outward beauty so much as what is inside- that's what shines through. Sure, you may not be a Selena Gomez or Katherine Heigl, but when someone gets to know you, that's when people start to see you in a new light. They see who you really are. That version of you- that's beautiful. 
   I know I have blogged about similar ideas, but it's because I struggle with this, just as much as anyone else. Knowing the truth, and acting on it are totally different. So, from now on, I vow to see myself for who I really am. Beautiful. Perfect - even when I screw up. You were made the way you were for a reason.  Allow yourself to be beautiful.  

   

You've Got Every Right to a Beautiful Life,

Olive :)

     

Love with No Boundries

    
  I really love children. I don't know what it is about them. It could be their innocence, or the way they never judge anyone. It could be the way they look up to you, like you are the best thing they have ever met, a protector and teacher. It could be how honest they are, and how if they tell you that you're beautiful, they really mean it. It's the way they believe everyone is beautiful. How they laugh at everything, and their youth. All these traits are, at an essence, beautiful things. 
  Today, during my PALS class at school, a couple girls and I brought kites to fly outside, as a special treat. It was an amazing expierence. You would think we had spent hundreds of dollars on these things- the kids were so excited. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. One girl even wrote about it in her journal- and she didn't even fly the kite. She was just so happy to be there and see her friend being happy.  
  When do we grow up, and stop acting like that? When do we become aware of who we "are"? When do people stop being our friends, and become that kid we had in our fourth grade class? Why does that even happen?  
  If we loved like a child, we would love with no boundaries. The love a child is one that is accepting of everyone- who weeps with a stranger, and admires a friend. Who do good because that's what is right, and genuinely feel bad (usually) when they do wrong. Who has a smile for everyone.  
   It's a vital part of life, to grow up. It's so very important. Along the way, though, alot of us lose that compassion we had in childhood. Instead, it's replaced with greed, prejudice, hate, judgement. I don't know why, but I know my heart has changed since my youth. Being around any of my Kumon Kids, I can definently see that.  
    I plan to spend the rest of my life working with children. You don't have to be a "kid person", however, to have the kind of love they do. Simply remember the good in the world; the good in people, the good in life, the good in YOU. Love with your whole heart, and do not ever be afraid to stop learning. In the Bible, there is a story of Jesus speaking of learning to love like a child; that their innocence and trust is something that adults lose when they grow. Get yours back. Love like a child. You would be amazed how much of a difference it  can make. 


Let's Go Fly A Kite,
Olive :)

iMImportant?

 

  So my family and I finally joined 2011, and got IPhones. I'm totally enraptured in all that comes with owning an IPhone (though I bought it from Radio Shack) . I am convinced it is the best thing to have ever have happened to telephone technology ,minus those clear phones we all wanted in the third grade.. you know what I am talking about. 

  I don't own those fancy IPhone 4g's, and to be honest, minus the shape, I don't really understand the difference. However, when I brought my IPhone to church today, it received a different reception than I had expected.  

  When people saw I had gotten an IPhone, instead of "Oh Cool!" or "Let me Look!" which is to be expected among girls when one of us gets anything, no matter how trivial, (which I don't think boys quite understand) I was greeted with quite a different reaction.  

   Instead, I heard remarks such as "Oh, those always break", "I'm so over the IPhone", or "it's only a 3g?" I started to doubt the worth of my new trinket, and the greatness I had once seen in it begin to dim.  

   Now, I'm not saying that is all I heard. There was the thoughts of envy and excitement from others that I had gotten something "so cool".  Saving comments, if you will. 

   Obviously, I am not emotionally invested in this phone. I mean, come on. It's a phone, and sure, it's totally gnarly (as Charlie Sheen would say)-but it is just a material object. However, being good enough, that's something I struggle with everyday. I'm thinking I may not be alone in that idea. I feel like a 3G in a world of 4G's. 

     I have been blessed with such beautiful and inspirational friends; each one of them playing a different purpose in building me up. Each of them possessing qualities that I wish I could have, to build a better me.  

  

   When do we ever get to be "good" enough? 

  

  When do we feel like we are good enough for the World?

    
    Ta-Da, I have an answer! We won't. We will never be something we aren't supposed to be.  I will never be Hannah Montana, no matter how hard I cross my fingers and scrunch my eyes and click my heels. We just physically can't be something we aren't.  
   Now, don't give up hope just yet. Just because you can't be someone else, doesn't mean you can't be the best possible version of yourself. Every single one of us can be successful, beautiful, "spiritual",whatever;  if we accept that fact that we are the best version of OURSELVES.  
  Let me break this down: I like to sing. I sing all the time. I am no Lea Michelle; I will never ever be an Broadway caliber of a singer. If I accept the fact that I will probably never be a Hansen Brother, than I can go on singing to my hearts content (and trust me, I do.)  
    "So you're saying that I should accept mediocrity?"  
     Negative, Ghost rider. What I'm saying, is don't sell yourself short, but take into account who you are. You can be the most beautiful girl in the world, and still feel like you come up lacking. We all feel less then what we are. However, what we're doing is lying to ourselves. 
    Let me tell you about this girl I once knew, Genvieve.  Genvieve is a beautiful girl who has a fantastic personality, charisma, smarts, and a caring heart. However, Genvieve would change who she was, to try to fit in with a certain "crowd", and in the end, would come up short. She never felt like she was ever apart of anything.  
   Maybe those kids were mean, or maybe Genvieve was shallow. It could be both. You know what I think it was, though? Genvieve couldn't accept who she was, and in turn, others didn't either.  
     I know that you won't believe me, but every single person has something about them that makes them beautiful. Sure, sometimes it is physical beauty. Sometimes, it's a skill, a talent, a characteristic. Usually it's a combination of all of these things. Don't pretend like you're a 3G when you are in all reality, are a 5G. You're so spectacular, no one even knows what to do with you.  
  You were designed the way you are on purpose. Don't be embarrassed to be who you are. You have value. You are amazing. You are you on purpose. 
   Once, I had a leader at DNOW, and she said something to me I have never forgotten; 
    " If we were all to be who we really are, and live for the purpose we were designed for, we would live in as close to a perfect world as we could get."  
   It's not always fear of society that inhibits us from being ourselves. Sometimes, it's us. Don't be afraid to be who you are. You are good enough.  




Sunshine & Naps, 
Olive :)

Control Yourself, Take Only What You Need From It

 UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! I have a roommate for Arkansas next year! This is SO EXCITING! IT makes me ready to leave this very second. WOO PIG SOOIE!  
    However- and I hate to think this- maybe "senioritis" or whatever, is rushing my excitement a bit. Seniors rush this time of year, and we miss out on some of the great things that are left. Don't get me wrong; I'm not one of those nostalgic girls who is going to cry at graduation. When one chapter of life ends, I'm excited for the next one. That's how life is supposed to be. It's not till that time, though, that we should be excited. Let me give you an example of what I mean. 
     When I was in grade school, I would plan out how I thought high school life was supposed to be. I was going to make good grades, be the lead in all the school plays, a cheerleader, have a AMAZING boyfriend, drive the coolest car, and just be really cool. It's funny how my life ended up turning out. It's even stranger that I remember all that.  I think it turned out better.
    I may not be valedictorian, but I have a passion for learning. I don't have a mega cute Ken boyfriend, but I have such amazing friends that I love to pieces. I'm not a cheerleader or in theater any longer, but I help at church, work, and spend time with friends and family; things I'm passionate about. 
    That's what I'm talking about. The life I had now, is not the one I planned so many years ago. The life I am so desperate to plan for college,may not even be half of what I thought it would be. I might hate it and transfer home. I may study abroad. I may graduate top of my class. Who knows? Only one. 
   I'm not saying we shouldn't have goals and expectations for oneself, but so often, especially lately, I find myself so caught up in the future, I forget about where I am right now. It seems trivial, but one day, I may look back and regret not really loving this last year of high school. I would hate for the same to happen to you, no matter where you are in life. Don't forget where you are in this moment, good or bad. Each moment is meant for us to grow, and to be honest, I don't think we ever stop. Growing, I mean. ;)  
   So, as cheesy as it sounds, live each day to the fullest. We never get these days back. Make the most of everything- serve others all you can, laugh nonstop, meet all the people you see, love often. These days, the ones you are in right now, you never get back. Have something to remember. 
   Remember When... 
    Olive :)