Who is that Crazy Olive Girl?

     So many times I get asked why I am the way I am. Why I believe what I believe. Why I am always nice. Why I waste my time on a God "that can't be proved" Why I go to church. I get classified as the "goody two shoes" and written off as no fun.  

     Today, I'll do what we at church call a testimony. But even more so, I'm going to bare my soul for the internet world. I'll take it in levels. Are you ready for this? 

SKIN DEEP 

  I am the cheesiest person you will ever meet. I love the Disney Channel, and own all the Justin Bieber c.d's. I don't understand what most curse words mean, and I don't particularly enjoy raunchy things. (Though, I'm a fan of SNL, so I don't know how that worked out.) I love TV, especially perfectly horrible ones like Vampire Diaries and Pretty Little Liars. I love school; I love to read. I like to go on adventures, and do silly things like spend money on scented bubbles and volunteering. I sing more often than I speak. I love indie music, and really I love most anything I can sing too. I believe in the good in every person I meet, and give second, third, and fourth chances. I love to laugh, and I just love to love. A kind word, or a note, or a smile can make my whole day. You may call that simple, but I would describe it as Happiness. I just am happy. 

SOUL DEEP 

  I play the role of everyone's best friend. I don't know how this happens, but I often find myself mediating arguments, and you know what, that is ok with me. I love to be there for people. I love to love. I can't help but want to make people laugh, and I don't have "one" best friend. I am close to alot of people, because that is who I am. I will do anything for a friend. I believe in good morals, but I won't judge you if your's are different than mine. Who am I to judge you? I'll support you, and never leave you, no matter how rotten you treat me, and I'm sorry if I have ever treated you badly. I don't know why I am that way, but I just am. I'm also insecure, like anyone else. I think I have a big nose, and fivehead. I don't see myself as beautiful, like the friends I surround myself with, and I am ashamed I think like that. But no one is perfect.   

HEART DEEP 

    My heart and my soul are not the same. My heart is the core guiding factor, because it's a heart of God. I start everyday in His word, and he is the reason I am the way I am. He forgives me for all the crap I do, he Loves me unconditionally, he always thinks I'm beautiful, he DIED for me. He gave me all these things, and I don't have to do ANYTHING for it. There is nothing I can do to earn it, and I will never be able to pay him back. He promises me a life full of love and happiness and grace, and all I have to do is love him. By loving him, it makes me who I am. It's all free. I just can't describe the kind of love I feel in my heart for God, and especially lately, it has gotten me through some really tough stuff. Without him, I don't know who I'd be. I'm just glad I never have to find out. Someone to save me from my sins, someone who died for me, someone who promised me eternal life. I just couldn't pass that up. A Father's love for someone as imperfect as me? I just can't fathom that. That is so beautiful to me. 

  

   So there you go. That's me, in a nutshell. I guess you might have expected something more thrilling, but I am not that exciting of a person. All I do is love everyone I meet. That's who I am. That's who I was Created to be. You know what? I love you. And when I tell you that, I hope you believe it. Because now you know I really mean it. 

Who are you? 

Olive :)

    This song came on the radio, and I think it had to be sent from God. It describes my life so much. Has everyone else's life been as ridiculous as mine? No one said senior year was going to be so much work. I feel a little slighted. With my house being in shambles, searching for a roommate, working, school i.e. PRE-CALCULUS, and having fun, I don't know how everyone else fits it all in. Plus, all the little things that happen everyday. I just heard this song and thought, man, I'm worrying about nothing.  
    I mean, when you think about it, no teacher is going to let someone who works hard fail. So you know you'll graduate. If you can't pick a college/waiting for letters of acceptance, know at least that if it doesn't work out, you can always come back home or switch schools. Roommates- if you get the blessing to pick your own-you know deep down, you're going to get one. If you turn out hating each other, switch or just avoid each other. Work, hate it so much, quit, if you like the money, push through. You probably don't have that much longer there anyways, when you think about it. When it comes to having fun- you're a senior. There is no way on earth that you won't have fun. 
   I always worry about the stupidest things. Seriously, I have done it since I was a wee lad. I worry about turning things in on time, making friends, do my socks match my shirt, will people judge me for eating apples at lunch, blah blah blah. I'm the most ridiculous person I know, and I have to be honest, I'm sick of it. 
   There's one thing to be nervous about something to encourage you to work hard. I mean, that comes in handy all the time when I perform, for school work, etc. However, it is so dumb to get all worked up and waste all your energy on being nervous for things that are going to work out anyways. Like the song says, losing your keys or losing your phone, aren't the best things ever, but at least you know they'll be easily resolved. In the end, sometimes those things end up serving a greater purpose. You never know where you'll find your keys and who will find your phone. 


Go forth, and adventure. Don't sweat the small stuff, and believe your mom when she tells you it's all going to work out. 
I love you guys.
-Olive :)

When I'm With You I Feel Like Dancing Up and Down This Road

^Click That^ 

   Did you watch it? Did you like it? I'm not a huge John Mayer fan, but I love that song. (I also love Ben Rector) It's such a sad song, but at the same time, It has a deeper meaning,or so I interpreted. It's all about someone realizing the kind of person they want to be, and getting the chance and letting it slip between their fingers. Surely we can all identify with that. I know that I can. I DEFINITELY can. I think we can all identify to a part of that song; we're either the girl he's singing about, or the man singing. We either are firm in ourselves, or searching for something.   

   My sophomore year of high school, I was not comfortable in myself. I had just joined theater, and I so desperately wanted to be accepted by those people. To me, they were the coolest kids, and I so much wanted to be apart of something. In the process of becoming what I thought was "like them", I began to change who I was. I cussed, stayed out late, fought with my parents, was rude to my sisters, let things I usually didn't encourage become now socially acceptable (teen drinking, sleeping around, etc.) I was a totally different person- I didn't even know who I was. I didn't say anything to anyone. In my eagerness to conform and be accepted, I had become some introverted sophomore, who in the end, didn't even get socially accepted. 

    I look back on that time not as lost time, but time spent realizing how I did not want to live my life. My junior summer, I took a look in the mirror, and was like "Dude, what are you doing? You are unhappy. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I knew the answer. I thought it would make people like me. It didn't. 

    How fitting, the counselors daughter would struggle with conformity. The "Christian" would cuss and be ok with teen sex and drinking. I am ashamed at the hypocrisy that I lived. My junior year, I turned my whole life around. I have to tell you, the girl you meet now, that's authentic. Sure, I sing words more than I speak, I laugh at my own jokes, I read and write ALL the time. Most important to me, though, I live my life one hundred percent to what I believe. I have to tell you, it has made a difference. 

    I was talking to my dad today, and we were discussing how we have never met a Muslim or a Hindu who didn't stay true to their faith, no matter what. That is an amazing thing. I have some Muslim and Hindu friends, I have Agnostic and Atheist friends, I have all kinds of friends, and sometimes, they are more authentic then my "Christian" ones.  That is both sad, but at the same time, inspirational. They show me what it's like to be accountable, and I now live with that same kind of instinct.  

     Unless you live one hundred percent to yourself, you can't really experience the freedom I'm talking about. It's exhilarating! To just be YOU. All the time, not trying to put on some raunchy show, or like some kind of music someone else likes, or trying to act tough or cool.  

    On Wednesday, we buried my Uncle. He lived a life as a good man. His funeral was packed out, every pew was taken, the additional seating was taken, people were standing in the back, even out in the foyer. All to pay homage to a man who had his eye on the Prize, and wasn't afraid to tell everyone he met who he was, and what he stood for. To tell you the truth, people respected him for that. 

     "Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything." That is such a cheesy phrase, but it is SO TRUE. If you stepped back, and looked at your core being, who you really are inside, you'll find it's nothing to be ashamed of. No matter what kind of crap you have done, if you stand for something, at least you have a reason to keep going. You can stand for a cause, or a family member, whatever. (Though, be wary of earthly things, because they can end at any time.) But whatever you choose, just stand for SOMETHING. Figure out who you are, and let your identity show. Who you really are. I can't wait to see it, and you won't believe how amazing it feels when you just let it all go. 

I love you,

Olive :)

PS I set up a formspring account just for The Olive Blog, in case you had questions you want answered. I'll do my best to answer, or find the answer for you. I put the link here, and on the side bar. It's anonymous, so feel free to ask anything, insult me, or tell me I'm full of crap. Whatever you want to say, I promise I'll listen :) 

http://www.formspring.me/theoliveblog93

   

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." — C.S. Lewis

  The very first funeral I ever went to, I don't even remember. However, everyone else in my family does. How on earth could you forget the three year old child asking for m&m's and then falling asleep in the middle of the service? My ignorance to the severity of my surroundings can be blamed on my young age, but can that same excuse still be used? 
  Death is always around me, in fact, on Wednesday, I'm actually attending a funeral. You never know how short or how long someone's life will be, and what kind of impact or impression you leave behind. So often, people try to "redeem themselves" if they have the benefit of knowing when they get to leave. Still, nothing can ever be predicted. That is life. 
  I've been thinking what kind of impression I will leave behind. Sure, to my family I can be a kind of menace, and I realize I'm not everyone's best friend; but I hope the legacy I leave  behind is one that I can be proud of.
   When I think of myself, I always see the faults. I don't know if this is just me, or maybe everyone is also like this- does a truly confident person even exist? Probably not, because we're all prone to flaw, and none of us are in fact, perfect. That does not keep us from being beautiful, though- don't forget that.  
  Still, it's so easy to be susceptible to self doubt and negativity. I am the worst about this, which I feel like I say all the time. However, when I think about what I want to leave behind, I want to be a Light for something Beautiful. I don't care about being cool, the prettiest girl, really popular, with hundreds of people at my funeral. How crazy people are who seek fame at the sake of their own happiness. I want to die knowing I have blessed everyone around me, and shown everyone I meet who I serve. I like to think I am doing that, to the best of my ability. (Taking into account, I do sometimes stumble.) I want people to look at that me and say "man, she lived Inside Out." 
   It's ok to not be sad about death, in fact, it's ok not even to be afraid of death. That seems crazy, right? Especially since it's the number two fear in Americans. We die in different ways every day- sometimes we die to ourselves,  to our Gods, to our Darkest fears, to our Goals. To die is to stop being something; it never says you don't start being something else.  
     Tomorrow I'm facing real death, and I have to sing a song at the funeral; "How Great Thou Art", it was my uncle's favorite hymn. I have to embrace the fact that he is gone, and celebrate where I think he has a new life; a way to cheat death. Do not fear death if you know where you are going; it's those who don't know that get a little nervous. I was once among those, and it is a scary time, hoping you live to see the next morning. If you truly Live, you'll not have any regrets, because when your time comes, you'll realize that you have done everything you wanted too; and you will have peace.
      I hope you all leave behind the kind of person you want to be, but if you don't think you will, it's not to late. You can die to your old self, and start anew. Quit being someone you abhor, and be the kind of person you can celebrate. Whoever that is, and whatever you believe, never cease to LIVE It, not matter what people may think. The worst thing is to die with regrets; learn from your mistakes, move on, and be the beautiful person you are. I know that there is beauty in all of you, regardless of if you choose to realize it or not. That beauty is how I will remember you by, no matter what.  


Sometimes Life Gets Serious,
Olive:)
        

Learning From the Young Part Two

  
 This has been an incredible weekend. So much has happened, and I have to say, it has been one of my favorite weekends so far. I have learned so much, and I hope that I imparted some wisdom as well. It went from catastrophe, to nervousness, beauty, and escalated to incredible. That's the best way to describe this weekend; incredible. That one word has so many connotations, and now it describes the life I live. Incredible.  
    I started this weekend with Noah's Second Coming-our house was flooded. I was the first one to discover it, and it was not a pretty sight. It was two inches high, and there was no visible sign of leaking. I could not find it anywhere- I didn't know what to do. I took it as meaning that this weekend was going to be horrid- a bad omen. How amazing it is that God want's to prove me wrong. 
    I was selected to be a leader for a program at our church called Extreme Faith- it's kind of like DNOW, but for fifth and sixth graders. It's awesome. However, I was really nervous about it. I'm not ever the "cool" leader, not to mean I am disliked. I'm just more of the serious one, and usually forced to take the disciplinary role. This weekend was no different, but I was so blessed this weekend. I had an amazing group of sixth grade girls. 
   Even though I was the one teaching them, they taught me as well. It always seems to work out that way. This weekend, we were learning about total sacrifice- giving your life to God every day. I expected them to shut down, but instead they were open, and honest. They weren't afraid to share about the mistakes they made, and when they needed help. That was the first thing they taught me- total submission. If we are afraid of our own mistakes, how can we not let them defeat us? They had a hunger to learn, and were just beautiful girls, from inside out. Lot's of good people try to live "outside in", trying to do good things for the World, but never quite feeling full. With God, you live inside out- you're amount of self worth comes from the inside, and as a result it changes the outside. You may  not believe in that sort of thing, but that's what these girls had. It was a good reminder. I needed that. 
     The second lesson was from my best friend, who is a year younger then me. She had also been doing Extreme Faith this weekend, and those preteens know how party! We were both exhausted. While she would be going home to a dry home, I was dealing with the Titanic. I needed a place to stay Saturday night, and as soon as I asked, she said yes. She didn't even pause to think. She could have said "I have been gone all weekend, my mom wants me to stay home", or "I really need to get some rest". Instead, she let me come over, and it was one of the best evenings I have had in a long time. All we did was hang with her mom, watch movies, drive around with Hollyan, and use running water ( which I didn't realize I'd miss until I didn't have it) I'm not always around for this girl, due to schedules, and her being so popular and busy all the time, but when I needed something she took me in. No question. That- that right there- that's Love. Not storybook, mushy gushy love, but True Love, the kind Christians talk about, Muslims talk about, Jews talk about, the kind that has no bounds. The kind of Love that can change lives; that does change lives. It is a powerful lesson, and one that has to be experienced to be fully understood. 
    The third lesson came in the most unexpected of places, but then again, it usually does. So just hear me out on this one. Today I went to see Never Say Never 3D, and as a true "belieber",  I died. It was fantastic. However, there is something about Justin Bieber I did not realize. It might just shake you up, so don't skip this. Justin was unknown to the world a year and half ago. He was just some small town Canadian, who sang on YouTube. He stayed diligent to his faith, and would have lived a great life. However, other plans were in store for him. He was given a gift, and rather you like him or not, talent is talent. He  did unbelievable things, like selling out MSG, or performing 86 shows in one year, and counting. After only being famous for a YEAR AND HALF, which would be incredible enough for any adult, but he's only sixteen years old.  
     Sure, you may argue, it's his hair flip, cute smile, or baby face that wins the ladies. However, his success, and his lasting power, can go back to the one  who He gives thanks. His song Pray actually does that. His success is a blessing, and just as easily can be taken away from him. He knows that, and it is applicable to our lives as well. I know, I'm going all "Christian" on you, but I don't apologize. I fully believe in Inside Out as opposed to Outside In. If you want to be full, you can. No matter who you are, and where you come from. No matter if you have questions, or a skeptic. There is a way to shake up the world, and if we all tapped into it, just THINK how incredible our lives would be. 
     My life is incredible. Is yours? Do you want it to be, or are you afraid you aren't good enough? A Justin Bieber is one in a million. But so is an Olivia Myers. I have been given talents, and I use them from the Inside Out. We all have some kind of talent, and if we harnessed the idea of using them from the Inside Out, you would change the world. YOU. And you would be happy. That, i promise you. 


Never Say Never,
Olive :)

Learning From The Young Part One

      
  At my work, I teach kids between the ages of 3 and 7 years old. Though I'm the teacher, more often then not, they teach me.  Today is a great example: I was working with this precious three year old named Fee- she is quite a character. She is always full of smiles, and jokes she doesn't quite get, like telling people "Happy Christmas" because that's what Harry does, or educating me on the matter of, " how she can sound like the most realistic elephant people would think she is a REAL elephant." Fee is full of confidence, and she won't let anyone bring her down.  
    Every day with Fee is a treat in it's own way. Today, Fee bounded up to me excited to enlighten me on, " that girl from Valentine's Day, Taylor Swift." She proceeded to sing throughout her whole hour long lesson all the Taylor Swift songs she knows, making up her own versions of words, refusing to let her innocence prevent her from doing what she loves. 
    Once Fee had exhausted her musical library, she decided to draw a picture of Taylor Swift. As she was drawing, she stopped dead in the middle of a doodle, and looked me right in the eye, and said, with a sly smile, 
  " You know, my mommy and I love Taylor Swift named Taylor from Valentines Day, but we both agree when she is not being a movie star she wears too much makeup." 
    " I do too, Fee. That's why I only wear a little bit, that's all you need." 
    " I know! That's what makes you so beautiful, Miss Olivia." 
    " Thank you! That is so sweet to get a compliment from such a great           singer." 
    " I know. We're all beautiful in our own way. As long as we don't wear too much makeup"  
       It made me laugh, that to Fee, being beautiful was only determined by how much makeup you wear; it seemed a sweet thing to say. Later on, as I was grading papers, I started to think back to what Fee said. According to her toddler wisdom, if you wear too much makeup, you are no longer beautiful- and that makes sense. I'm not saying that if you layer your eyes in black that you are automatically ugly, I mean it more as a metaphor. Let me break it down. 
      Girl's wear makeup to "make themselves pretty", but in reality, they're just trying to cover up what they really look like- their "imperfections." In a way, we are all like that. Some of us layer on "makeup" to try and be some kind of perfect person, when in reality, if you washed away all the hype, you'd be left with a broken teen disappointed in the person they have grown up to be. 
    This was me; scratch that, sometimes, this is STILL me. Being yourself is hard to do, especially when we live in such a judgmental world. We put on all these different masks; hipsters, jocks, party girls, nerds, black, white, brown, etc, etc, ETC. That list could go on forever and at the same time it could not ever really be totally true of anyone. No one is all of some label, because to totally be a stereotype means you would have had to alter yourself in some way to be a perfect fit, because in reality, we are all a little more complex then we let on. It's really great. 
    There's no shame in being who you really are, because deep down, I personally believe everyone is "good." I'm not saying you all sit at home on Saturday nights, but there is something about you that draws people to you. Maybe it's your winning personality, your kind heart, your ability to make everyone feel special. There is something about you that is "good", and it is unique just to you. 
      In addition to your goodness, everyone is blessed with some kind of creativity. I'm not saying everyone is some kind of artistic mastermind, but there is some kind of creative gift you have been given. Perhaps you are really good in math, or an amazing dancer; maybe you are good at leading people or a good skateboarder- I don't know what your creativity it, but I know there is something about you that you shine at. It's your passion, and doing it makes you happy, and because you're passionate and happy, you're GOOD at it. That's awesome. 
     So if we're to believe that everyone is essentially "good" and "creative", then Fee would indeed be right. You don't need "make up" to be beautiful, because your natural make up, that is gorgeous enough all on it's own. So, there is no reason to smother ourselves with labels that just aren't quite our shade. Wash your face, and smile- you are absolutely stunning just being the person you really are. 
    I have probably thoroughly killed the metaphor, but take Fee's advice, and be who you are. You may not be friends with or the person you imagined you would be, but you will be so much happier, and people love happy people. So go on good lookin', let your hair down. Rock that body. 


Color Outside the Lines,
Olive :)

I See The Light

  
   I slept with a night light until I was a junior in high school. I know that sounds really lame, but I am terrified of the dark. Well, not the dark, really. I'm scared of being ALONE in the dark. I decided, the summer before senior year, I was not going to bring a night light to camp. So, I practiced sleeping without a night light, but I kept the hall light on. After a couple days, I kept the bathroom light on, and turned the hallway light off. I continued the practice of weaning myself off, till eventually, I was comfortable being alone in total darkness. 
    However, I'm not going to lie, I still get scared. I don't watch scary movies or anything like that- besides, those things are ridiculous. Ghosts, monsters under the bed, killers sneaking in at night and licking your hand, those are just scary stories. Silly things you tell in the fifth grade to try and scare you friends while playing "Light as a Feather" (or the equivalent of whatever boys play at "sleepovers" ) 
    Last night, (which would be Saturday night) I had a nightmare. Nightmares are terrible things. I said before I don't watch monster/saw/killer movies because  they are silly, but it doesn't mean I haven't ever watched them. Under no circumstance, though, will I EVER watch a exorcism movie, because, those things are real; and that's what I fear when I turn off the lights.  
   Obviously, Emily Rose's plight is not going to happen to everyone- that is extremely rare. We do all have dark and light inside of us, however. It doesn't matter how good, or pure we are, how nasty or sadistic we act, we ALL have dark and light inside of us. Those can be our worst enemies, or our most powerful ally. 
      Back to my dream; as the pattern with dreams, I don't remember much of it. I just remember the feeling of it. I don't know how you experience nightmares (if you do at all) but I find them extremely rare. When I do encounter them, it's because I have had some kind of "spiritual breakthrough", or for those who don't think like I do, " a significant amount of Light". I remember waking up and feeling like I hadn't been asleep at all, even though hours had passed by. Usually, I can just convince myself that I had been up late, and the later you stay up, the more scared you get. ( According to Henry the Lizard) So I just sing this silly song I learned years ago at Bible School that I can only remember the chorus of, and it usually helps me back to sleep. Saturday night, though, I had to turn my lamp on, and sleep facing towards the light. I was THAT scared. That doesn't really ever happen, but I couldn't shake the feeling. 
     I guess you might be a little confused about what I mean, so let me break down what I'm talking about. (So often I forget that other people read this, and you might not know what I'm talking about.)  Light and Darkness make up our souls- not our personalities. You don't have to agree with me on this, but it's what I believe, and I'm not writing to win converts to Oliveism. Just what I, as a "progressive" Christian, believe. It really applies to anyone though.  
    ANYWHO- Light and Darkness represent the good and bad inside of us. It's really more than that, though. Anything can be both light and dark. I was reading, I think it was The Screwtape Letters, and the author was writing how we can take a good thing, like eating, which was created, or predestined, or "just whatever" , or whatever you believe, but it started as a good thing. All living things need some kind of food to survive. Humans, (and other animals I suppose) abuse this- for example obesity, and on the other hand, eating disorders. Both have taken something good, something Light, and distorted it into Dark. 
     Our souls work the same way. We all have the potential to be good people- though the world is in shabby shape, it is a good world, yes? It is full of beauty, all kinds of people, adventures, and things we can't even begin to explain. Of all the things on this Earth, we as Man, run it. ( I don't mean to argue your points on who is the smartest being- just go with me on this.) 
 So, if we are given this great world, surely we have the potential to be good. However, we are born flawed people. We are selfish, greedy, and mean. Myself especially. So, we have to learn to have a great amount of Light to destroy the Dark that has a natural tendency to live inside us.  
   I know it sounds like I'm not connecting, so let me tie this together with cute little bow. The thing I'm afraid of us is Darkness. The Darkness that can come in the form of demons that can stir up the Dark already inside of me. The Dark that is jealous of other girls, that is thinking that nasty phrase about my parents, the one who is thinking those dirty things, the list goes on. So, at night, when I know the Darkness is at hand, I turn on a Light. Instantly, I am blanketed in the safety and comfort that comes with the Light.  
     We all have Darkness in us, but we can also all have Light. Sometimes, I think people don't want to expose the Dark because they are afraid of what they'll see in the Light. I know; I used to be one of those people. Why give up a life of "knowing no wrong" to experience a life of shame? YOU DON'T HAVE TOO. That is crazy sauce amigos. Forgive yourself, and do right. It's not a cakewalk, living Light rather than Dark. Being Dark is easier, SO MUCH easier. I don't know, it just feels right; that's the way the world works. I feel like the argument for Light is such an appealing one though. It's like being able to keep that night light- what do you have to fear? You can see everything right in front of you. It's honest living. 
    You don't have to jump right in. Take one day at a time. In opposite of me trying to sleep in total darkness, turn your life to light. If it sounds like I have it all together, trust me, I'm still fighting to keep out of the dark. We're all in the same boat. Wouldn't it be nice to see where we're going?


Sweet Dreams, 
Olive :)

I JUST WANNA BE LIKE YOU!

  
   I've never had a boyfriend. Ok, I had one, once, when I was in preschool. We went to taco bell on our first (and only) date. He broke up with me for my best friend, and when I tried to win him back by giving him my favorite little mermaid necklace and a kiss, well, it didn't go over so well. I was still boyfriend-less and was sentenced to time out and a letter home on "appropriate touching." I never got that necklace back. I had never wanted to be someone else more than in that moment. It seems silly, but she grew up to be this beautiful girl, well liked by all, and just by looking at boys, she broke hearts. I have never been that kind of girl.
    It used to really upset me, never having a boyfriend. I'd watch all my friends get boyfriends, and I would find myself all alone. It was no fun. This was Pre-junior year of high school. I was a mess back then. (Still a little bit of one now.) I used to think "Is it my looks? I'm way prettier than that girl, how come he doesn't like me?" Or, " I'm just too weird, they're talking about me right now. Oh god, he is totally laughing at me with all his friends." 
     You'd think I'm paranoid, but that "laughing at me and making fun of me with all his friends" has happened to me before. It is not fun, but at the same time, it was my fault. My insecurity had led me to desperation. It was not a pretty picture, let me tell you.  
    We do the craziest things, trying to fit in with someone else. We compromise our moral standards, we do things that are extreme and weird. I know, at some point, we have all done it. I just know, from personal experience, that you never really live those incidents down. At the same time, though, you don't ever go and want to take it back either.
     Summer before junior year, I went to summer camp, and I can credit that experience to when I began to make peace with myself. Someone sat me down, and told me I was being stupid. I didn't have to change anything about myself to be accepted. 
       It's easier said than done, let me tell you. No matter how small you are, what length your hair is, heck, even what gender you are, you always, want to be someone else. Not like, " Oh, I wish I could be so and so, or I could be blah blah." Sure, we wish for some characteristics, maybe sometimes even the lifestyle they posses, but usually we never want to actually BECOME someone else. This isn't the Roommate. (Thank the Lord) 
    What I'm talking about, is we want to become the "best" version of ourselves. For example, the "best" version of Olive would look something like this: 5 foot 6, 120 pounds, a career on the CW or NBC, with man candy like Nick Jonas who takes me to church every Sunday and flies me all around the world.  In reality, I will never be that. I stopped growing taller when I was 14. I used to be disappointed, that I would never have that kind of life.  One filled with star studded fame or rock star ambitions.  
      That is, until I found out what the "best" version of me really meant. The BEST version of you is the version that makes you happy. Of course, there are always things about you that will need to change, things you will learn that will shape you. Every day, if you allow yourself too, you grow into the kind of person that is the BEST for everyone. You may never be tall, talented, or famous. You might be some short girl with short hair who is loud, loves Jesus, doesn't get dirty jokes but is a devout friend, smart, with a really big heart. Maybe you're like my friend Rose, who has an open hate for our pre-cal teacher, but is so funny, beautiful, and the sweetest girl ever to be around ( except if you're our pre-cal teacher, obviously!)  
        I'm not saying being yourself will lead you to popularity and friends galore. I do know that people are drawn to honest people. Who doesn't like being around someone you know will never lie to you, and say exactly what they mean? Who, you can rest assured, are your friend because they honestly like YOU? That they like you because you're the BEST friend for them? That's the kind of friend I want to have, and that's the kind of friend I try to be.  
     I may never have a boyfriend. Heck, my worry could be right, and all boys do think I'm weird. ;) All I can do, is continue to be the BEST version of myself that I can. All the rest will fall together.  


Stay Classy San Diego,
Olive :)