^Click That^
Did you watch it? Did you like it? I'm not a huge John Mayer fan, but I love that song. (I also love Ben Rector) It's such a sad song, but at the same time, It has a deeper meaning,or so I interpreted. It's all about someone realizing the kind of person they want to be, and getting the chance and letting it slip between their fingers. Surely we can all identify with that. I know that I can. I DEFINITELY can. I think we can all identify to a part of that song; we're either the girl he's singing about, or the man singing. We either are firm in ourselves, or searching for something.
My sophomore year of high school, I was not comfortable in myself. I had just joined theater, and I so desperately wanted to be accepted by those people. To me, they were the coolest kids, and I so much wanted to be apart of something. In the process of becoming what I thought was "like them", I began to change who I was. I cussed, stayed out late, fought with my parents, was rude to my sisters, let things I usually didn't encourage become now socially acceptable (teen drinking, sleeping around, etc.) I was a totally different person- I didn't even know who I was. I didn't say anything to anyone. In my eagerness to conform and be accepted, I had become some introverted sophomore, who in the end, didn't even get socially accepted.
I look back on that time not as lost time, but time spent realizing how I did not want to live my life. My junior summer, I took a look in the mirror, and was like "Dude, what are you doing? You are unhappy. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I knew the answer. I thought it would make people like me. It didn't.
How fitting, the counselors daughter would struggle with conformity. The "Christian" would cuss and be ok with teen sex and drinking. I am ashamed at the hypocrisy that I lived. My junior year, I turned my whole life around. I have to tell you, the girl you meet now, that's authentic. Sure, I sing words more than I speak, I laugh at my own jokes, I read and write ALL the time. Most important to me, though, I live my life one hundred percent to what I believe. I have to tell you, it has made a difference.
I was talking to my dad today, and we were discussing how we have never met a Muslim or a Hindu who didn't stay true to their faith, no matter what. That is an amazing thing. I have some Muslim and Hindu friends, I have Agnostic and Atheist friends, I have all kinds of friends, and sometimes, they are more authentic then my "Christian" ones. That is both sad, but at the same time, inspirational. They show me what it's like to be accountable, and I now live with that same kind of instinct.
Unless you live one hundred percent to yourself, you can't really experience the freedom I'm talking about. It's exhilarating! To just be YOU. All the time, not trying to put on some raunchy show, or like some kind of music someone else likes, or trying to act tough or cool.
On Wednesday, we buried my Uncle. He lived a life as a good man. His funeral was packed out, every pew was taken, the additional seating was taken, people were standing in the back, even out in the foyer. All to pay homage to a man who had his eye on the Prize, and wasn't afraid to tell everyone he met who he was, and what he stood for. To tell you the truth, people respected him for that.
"Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything." That is such a cheesy phrase, but it is SO TRUE. If you stepped back, and looked at your core being, who you really are inside, you'll find it's nothing to be ashamed of. No matter what kind of crap you have done, if you stand for something, at least you have a reason to keep going. You can stand for a cause, or a family member, whatever. (Though, be wary of earthly things, because they can end at any time.) But whatever you choose, just stand for SOMETHING. Figure out who you are, and let your identity show. Who you really are. I can't wait to see it, and you won't believe how amazing it feels when you just let it all go.
I love you,
Olive :)
PS I set up a formspring account just for The Olive Blog, in case you had questions you want answered. I'll do my best to answer, or find the answer for you. I put the link here, and on the side bar. It's anonymous, so feel free to ask anything, insult me, or tell me I'm full of crap. Whatever you want to say, I promise I'll listen :)
No comments:
Post a Comment