The very first funeral I ever went to, I don't even remember. However, everyone else in my family does. How on earth could you forget the three year old child asking for m&m's and then falling asleep in the middle of the service? My ignorance to the severity of my surroundings can be blamed on my young age, but can that same excuse still be used?
Death is always around me, in fact, on Wednesday, I'm actually attending a funeral. You never know how short or how long someone's life will be, and what kind of impact or impression you leave behind. So often, people try to "redeem themselves" if they have the benefit of knowing when they get to leave. Still, nothing can ever be predicted. That is life.
I've been thinking what kind of impression I will leave behind. Sure, to my family I can be a kind of menace, and I realize I'm not everyone's best friend; but I hope the legacy I leave behind is one that I can be proud of.
When I think of myself, I always see the faults. I don't know if this is just me, or maybe everyone is also like this- does a truly confident person even exist? Probably not, because we're all prone to flaw, and none of us are in fact, perfect. That does not keep us from being beautiful, though- don't forget that.
Still, it's so easy to be susceptible to self doubt and negativity. I am the worst about this, which I feel like I say all the time. However, when I think about what I want to leave behind, I want to be a Light for something Beautiful. I don't care about being cool, the prettiest girl, really popular, with hundreds of people at my funeral. How crazy people are who seek fame at the sake of their own happiness. I want to die knowing I have blessed everyone around me, and shown everyone I meet who I serve. I like to think I am doing that, to the best of my ability. (Taking into account, I do sometimes stumble.) I want people to look at that me and say "man, she lived Inside Out."
It's ok to not be sad about death, in fact, it's ok not even to be afraid of death. That seems crazy, right? Especially since it's the number two fear in Americans. We die in different ways every day- sometimes we die to ourselves, to our Gods, to our Darkest fears, to our Goals. To die is to stop being something; it never says you don't start being something else.
Tomorrow I'm facing real death, and I have to sing a song at the funeral; "How Great Thou Art", it was my uncle's favorite hymn. I have to embrace the fact that he is gone, and celebrate where I think he has a new life; a way to cheat death. Do not fear death if you know where you are going; it's those who don't know that get a little nervous. I was once among those, and it is a scary time, hoping you live to see the next morning. If you truly Live, you'll not have any regrets, because when your time comes, you'll realize that you have done everything you wanted too; and you will have peace.
I hope you all leave behind the kind of person you want to be, but if you don't think you will, it's not to late. You can die to your old self, and start anew. Quit being someone you abhor, and be the kind of person you can celebrate. Whoever that is, and whatever you believe, never cease to LIVE It, not matter what people may think. The worst thing is to die with regrets; learn from your mistakes, move on, and be the beautiful person you are. I know that there is beauty in all of you, regardless of if you choose to realize it or not. That beauty is how I will remember you by, no matter what.
Sometimes Life Gets Serious,
Olive:)
No comments:
Post a Comment