I slept with a night light until I was a junior in high school. I know that sounds really lame, but I am terrified of the dark. Well, not the dark, really. I'm scared of being ALONE in the dark. I decided, the summer before senior year, I was not going to bring a night light to camp. So, I practiced sleeping without a night light, but I kept the hall light on. After a couple days, I kept the bathroom light on, and turned the hallway light off. I continued the practice of weaning myself off, till eventually, I was comfortable being alone in total darkness.
However, I'm not going to lie, I still get scared. I don't watch scary movies or anything like that- besides, those things are ridiculous. Ghosts, monsters under the bed, killers sneaking in at night and licking your hand, those are just scary stories. Silly things you tell in the fifth grade to try and scare you friends while playing "Light as a Feather" (or the equivalent of whatever boys play at "sleepovers" )
Last night, (which would be Saturday night) I had a nightmare. Nightmares are terrible things. I said before I don't watch monster/saw/killer movies because they are silly, but it doesn't mean I haven't ever watched them. Under no circumstance, though, will I EVER watch a exorcism movie, because, those things are real; and that's what I fear when I turn off the lights.
Obviously, Emily Rose's plight is not going to happen to everyone- that is extremely rare. We do all have dark and light inside of us, however. It doesn't matter how good, or pure we are, how nasty or sadistic we act, we ALL have dark and light inside of us. Those can be our worst enemies, or our most powerful ally.
Back to my dream; as the pattern with dreams, I don't remember much of it. I just remember the feeling of it. I don't know how you experience nightmares (if you do at all) but I find them extremely rare. When I do encounter them, it's because I have had some kind of "spiritual breakthrough", or for those who don't think like I do, " a significant amount of Light". I remember waking up and feeling like I hadn't been asleep at all, even though hours had passed by. Usually, I can just convince myself that I had been up late, and the later you stay up, the more scared you get. ( According to Henry the Lizard) So I just sing this silly song I learned years ago at Bible School that I can only remember the chorus of, and it usually helps me back to sleep. Saturday night, though, I had to turn my lamp on, and sleep facing towards the light. I was THAT scared. That doesn't really ever happen, but I couldn't shake the feeling.
I guess you might be a little confused about what I mean, so let me break down what I'm talking about. (So often I forget that other people read this, and you might not know what I'm talking about.) Light and Darkness make up our souls- not our personalities. You don't have to agree with me on this, but it's what I believe, and I'm not writing to win converts to Oliveism. Just what I, as a "progressive" Christian, believe. It really applies to anyone though.
ANYWHO- Light and Darkness represent the good and bad inside of us. It's really more than that, though. Anything can be both light and dark. I was reading, I think it was The Screwtape Letters, and the author was writing how we can take a good thing, like eating, which was created, or predestined, or "just whatever" , or whatever you believe, but it started as a good thing. All living things need some kind of food to survive. Humans, (and other animals I suppose) abuse this- for example obesity, and on the other hand, eating disorders. Both have taken something good, something Light, and distorted it into Dark.
Our souls work the same way. We all have the potential to be good people- though the world is in shabby shape, it is a good world, yes? It is full of beauty, all kinds of people, adventures, and things we can't even begin to explain. Of all the things on this Earth, we as Man, run it. ( I don't mean to argue your points on who is the smartest being- just go with me on this.)
So, if we are given this great world, surely we have the potential to be good. However, we are born flawed people. We are selfish, greedy, and mean. Myself especially. So, we have to learn to have a great amount of Light to destroy the Dark that has a natural tendency to live inside us.
I know it sounds like I'm not connecting, so let me tie this together with cute little bow. The thing I'm afraid of us is Darkness. The Darkness that can come in the form of demons that can stir up the Dark already inside of me. The Dark that is jealous of other girls, that is thinking that nasty phrase about my parents, the one who is thinking those dirty things, the list goes on. So, at night, when I know the Darkness is at hand, I turn on a Light. Instantly, I am blanketed in the safety and comfort that comes with the Light.
We all have Darkness in us, but we can also all have Light. Sometimes, I think people don't want to expose the Dark because they are afraid of what they'll see in the Light. I know; I used to be one of those people. Why give up a life of "knowing no wrong" to experience a life of shame? YOU DON'T HAVE TOO. That is crazy sauce amigos. Forgive yourself, and do right. It's not a cakewalk, living Light rather than Dark. Being Dark is easier, SO MUCH easier. I don't know, it just feels right; that's the way the world works. I feel like the argument for Light is such an appealing one though. It's like being able to keep that night light- what do you have to fear? You can see everything right in front of you. It's honest living.
You don't have to jump right in. Take one day at a time. In opposite of me trying to sleep in total darkness, turn your life to light. If it sounds like I have it all together, trust me, I'm still fighting to keep out of the dark. We're all in the same boat. Wouldn't it be nice to see where we're going?
Sweet Dreams,
Olive :)
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